Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Translator

So, I've discovered that in order for the world to understand what my kooky kid is saying, I must serve as a translator. In the beginning, Aiden would say something, people would look confused and look to me for direction, and I would translate. It was an akward, bumpy process, with people often misunderstanding Aiden, which would cause him to shriek in frustration or yell, "NO!" and clam up. Now, however, this process is automatic--like the UN translators, I find myself automatically translating any "non-English" word Aiden uses. I think I should be able to add this to the skill section on my resume!

So, in order to help those who converse with Aiden, I've listed some essential terms to know.

Caca-moley: Guacamole (heaven help us if we ever take him to Mexico--some chef will be seriously insulted)

Sideal: cereal; most often accompanied by the word "pirate," as in Pirate sideal, or Cap'n Crunch.

frusewated: frustrated; he demonstrates this by clenching his teeth and making his whole body shake, "Look, Mama, I frusewated! Grrrrr!"

magwets: magnets

fidear: theater, "Mama, I want to watch Ratatoiulle (which, by the way, he can say perfectly!) at the movie fidear"

cool jelly: Aiden's version of the 80's phrase, cool beans (he came up with it all on his own). "Mommy, that toy is cool jelly!"

pooch: Aiden's favorite insult, gleaned from watching Scooby-Doo; the only problem: it comes out sounding an awful lot like the word "bitch;" (I get a lot of stares when he calls me a "big pooch" in public!)

pockey: Air hockey, Aiden's favorite arcade game

firty-five: the age of consent for alcohol in Aiden's world

momo player: DVD player

Sad monkey, billy goat song: The "Mockingbird" lullably ("Hush little baby, don't say a word, Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."). I am requested to sing this every night--but it took 2 weeks of frustration and tears before I figured out which song he was referring to!

ghost: what he calls shadows on the walls

ear jam: ear wax

hair jam: hair gel

bone: when Aiden wants you to tie something: "Make a bone, Mama"

Jesus rock stars: the praise and worship team at church (ours is made up of a full band). This is Aiden's current career aspiration!

gum masher: Aiden's version of calling someone a dumb ass; he learned this one during a close call on the highway with his Daddy! He doesn't know what it means--just knows it is something you call out when angry and driving!

poconuts: coconuts; commonly used to get Aiden to dance: "Aiden, shake your poconuts!"

hi-peenus: jalapenos, also called "spicies." This commonly comes out sounding like a greeting to a body part, though!

hiney hole: I'm sure you can guess what this one means, just be prepared that it is an area of considerable interest and a frequent question in public: "Mommy, do birds have hiney holes? Does that man have a hiney hole? Do dogs have hiney holes? Do vegetables have hiney holes?" I recently spent an entire day out running errands answering this question in relation to every animal/bird/inanimate object we came across! And NOTHING could distract him from his "hiney hole" mission! (Finally, I resorted to bribery!)

There are so many more of these I'm forgetting! I'll keep you posted!

Aiden quote of the day: "Mommy, feel me! I grow'd! I grow'd big! Now I can get wine! Can I have wine with my breakfast?" (Wine for breakfast...I wish, buddy...some mornings, I really wish....)

Want to hear more about the Pack?

Check out A Belly in Bloom, a page devoted to Angela's pregnancy with Aubrey. You can see belly pics, sonograms, and learn more about how Aubrey (formerly known as "The Bean") came to be the lovely little girl she is! You can also find Angela's favorite recipes and newest food experiments at Cooking with the Parker Pack.