Aiden and I are playing with Aiden's doctor kit. He's reenacting the infamous Well-Child Visit of 2009 (see previous post), only this time he's the doctor and I'm the patient.
Aiden: OK, Mommy, let's take your blood squeeze. I'm going to put this on your arm and it will give your arm a hug, but it won't hurt, OK?
Mommy: OK. But Aiden, you wouldn't let them take your blood pressure when you were at the doctor [he crawled under the table and screamed until the nurse put the cuff away]. Why not?
Aiden: It doesn't hurt grown ups, but it hurts 4-year olds, Mommy.
OK, Mommy, now I have to give you a shot, so you won't get sick and so Jesus won't get sick. If you be really still, it won't hurt so bad. You have to be brave, 'cause you're a grown-up. 4-year-olds don't like shots, they aren't brave. But 5-year-olds aren't scared of shots. I'll be brave when I'm 5, Mommy, I won't cry at all! [He pretends to give me the shot.]
Mommy: Ouch! That hurt a little, but that wasn't so bad.
Aiden: Mommy, you weren't very brave!
Now, I listen to your heart. [He picks us the stethoscope and puts it on his ears and applies it to my chest]. Mommy, I hear Jesus in there! He's having a snack!
Mommy: Really? What's Jesus eating?
Aiden: Pretzels. And milk.
We're at the dinner table and Aiden picks up a fork and threatens to stab me with it.
Mommy: You better not stab me with that fork--that's called assault, it's against the law, and the police will come and take you to jail.
Aiden: [Immediately drops the fork, his face crumpling into tears] But I don't like to go to jail because I wouldn't get to see you and I'd miss you, Mommy! I don't want to go to jail!
I quickly gave him a hug and assured him that since he didn't stab me with the fork, he wouldn't have to go anywhere. Poor kid, stuck with a lawyer for a mother!